Are you drinking your own poison?

depression in women


Are your expectations of others stressing you out?

I recently underwent a huge life change, returning back to my roots in the UK after 15 years in Asia. It’s been a huge transition and I’m feeling quite ‘out of body’ most the time.

I’m noticing a lot of emotional pain in the people around me (myself included). I see this coming from people’s expectations of how others ‘should’ behave. I’ve noticed this is causing the person who’s having these expectations the most pain. It’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die from it. How others behave is simply out of our own control.

Joanne McFarlane Soul Sanctuaries

Joanne McFarlane, Owner and Sanctuary Supplier at Soul Sanctuaries

How often have you thought “ If only he’d help more around the house, then I’d be happy” or “If only she understood me more and what I’m trying to say, we’d get along much better.”?

When I’m feeling stressed, I notice that I’m usually attaching emotion to a thought, Thoughts are like bubbles, if we’re not loading emotion onto them, they float on by.

A great book for working through to the underlying truths of what you’re attaching to is Byron Katies ‘Loving What Is’ (gorgeous title). It’s definitely a thought provoking read, I’m giving it a second look right now. In it she outlines a simple to follow formula for digging out your motivation behind your negative thoughts and who you would be without them. She calls it The Work (aptly titled, as we’re ‘working’ on ourselves).

I also get myself into trouble when I’m not ‘managing my side of the street’ and jumping into others business. At the moment, reconnecting with my family, it’s highly tempting to think that I can ‘right all the wrongs and help others to heal immediately’. That’s usually an indication that I need to look at some areas within my own life. Stay in my own business.

If I’m feeling uncomfortable and I’m not sure where the path ahead is, never mind where it will lead me to, I’m learning to pause. That’s a hard one for me. In the past, when I felt like that, I would chronically overwork, hammering away on the computer or clean the house fanatically. Not the most productive outcome, let me tell you! (clean house aside). Now, when I’m feeling like my foundation is slipping away, I meditate. If I can’t bare all the monkey mind of thoughts, I simply close my eyes and reflect. I’m here, I have a roof over my head, I have my health, my belly is full, I have loved ones around me. I am blessed. Sometimes that’s all you need right now.


If you’ve been struggling with change, are having relationship stress or relate to anything here, I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.


If you’re thinking about taking an emotionally healing holiday then take a look at these ( and drop me a line, I’m here to help.


In Peace and with a lot of Soul