Is it my ego or does this Yoga Retreat suck?

Part of our work in developing Soul Sanctuaries is to seek out amazing off the beaten track havens where we can send guests or run one of our signature Soul Retreats in the near future. So we packed our bags and headed off to a possible sanctuary in the misty mountains in Bali.

Location, tropical wilderness (check)

Greeting on arrival, warm and friendly (check)

Accommodation, luxurious, nice energy and peaceful (check)

Cuisine, mediocre and a bit disorganized

Spa Treatments, automotron comes to mind? When did a soft Javanese massage become a shiatsu?

Yoga class (advance apologies to anyone who thinks my ego got the better of me here but this class was awful, hilarious and a bit dangerous for your health at the same time!)

At 7.30am I excitedly jogged through a heavenly resort to experience a regular yoga class. The warm up involved a lot of neck rolling followed by three sun salutations, which apparently then deserved shavasana (corpse pose directly after). The instructor then asked us to forward bend and put heads onto shins. He assured a very inexperienced group that if they couldn’t do it this session, its a step by step process and they would have to try again tomorrow and the next day and then maybe they’d achieved that mystical head on shin position.

Cobra pose was described  by our male instructor as very beneficial for menstruation and women with irregular cycles (much to the embarrassment of the older ladies in the room)

The next asana was apparently awful for women who were over three months pregnant (which would have been the immaculate conception considering the average age in the room!)

Then, mid session, we were asked to pulled our legs into a full lotus (poor ladies) and think about nothing but the breath. I’ve done my fair stint of yoga and meditation and even a full lotus, after a few oddly matched asanas, had me thinking of nothing but the pain in my left leg!

And, (why didn’t I think of this) we finished with trikonasana and another corpse pose while the teacher threw a smelly blanket over us.

I can hear you. I’m ungrateful? egotistical?

I tried! I tried to look at the amazing jungle view beyond the annoying teacher shouting inhale and exhale. I tried to be at one with the energy in the room. This just wasn’t yoga, there was no union about it.

But I guess that’s why we’re experiencing all the retreats ourselves. So that we can remain truly authentic and say we’ve found some transformational Sanctuaries for your Soul.

If you’re interested in finding a luxury Sanctuary for your Soul :