Who are you? Meeting the real me
11 Jun, 2013
I used to think that I was a pretty spiritual person who lived in the moment because I’d been to a few meditation retreats, practiced yoga and read Eckhart Tolle books. Sound familiar anyone? Not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s all good. Beats the bottle of red I gulped while trying to avoid any sticky moments in life.
But here I am, learning to meet myself in the prime of my life. Even ‘meet myself’ sounds a bit fairy like doesn’t it? I had a vision of myself as some kind of selfless person on a crusade to save anyone (but me). And I actually thought that was healthy.
In recovery, I’m slowly beginning to understand that for most of my adult life I’ve had difficulty identifying with what I’m feeling. I was in bed the other week and I thought I was having a heart attack and it was actually me feeling my pain and sorrow. It’s a completely new concept for me to consider my own well being and mind my own business.
I have a new friend too; my higher power. In a counseling session recently a life coach asked me if I leave anything up to a higher power. I proudly and without catching a breath said ‘no I don’t’. The martyr in me shouldered all responsibilities. For the first time in my life, I’m recognizing that I’m not the creator of my entire reality, that maybe if I made some space something amazing that I couldn’t possibly imagine might happen. What a wonderful concept. I feel so much comfort requesting help from my higher power, just feeling that I’m loved and am lovable is comfort enough.
So bless the support group and friends that have helped to bring me to this place. Finding out why you repeat negative patterns and behavior is painfully beautiful. I’m thinking that the pot of gold at the end of this rainbow is the authentic me.
If you’re feeling at a crossroads in your life and want to focus on yourself, why not join one of our self healing retreats.
For the ladies, we’re planning dedicated retreats for 2014 now.
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